Zero to 10

Today I, yet again, tried to work out why I go from relaxed to rage/despair/variety of other relatively unhealthy extremes in such a short period of time. I actually seem to miss out 1, 2, 3, 4, you get the point - and just hit TEN. I can quite often ignore unpleasant behaviour from another person if they appear to be being "nice" and smiling at me/not raising their voice/say they have my best interests at heart/etc. This behaviour of mine concerns me immensely. I understand what's created it, but I don't yet understand how to fix it or how to find the missing single digits that will help me bring health, wellness and balance to my life.

I'm pretty sure those missing numbers are the key.

So, because I like to reinforce what's going horribly wrong with me, I immediately found myself in a situation this evening where I didn't even notice someone being quite nasty to me until a significant time later whilst driving home. You may think this is unrelated to missing numbers, but it is not - my theory (science) is that if I could find, say, 3 (even fractions would be wildly received at this stage) then I would have had a light bulb go off in my head (or another part of my body) that alerted me to the fact that this person was being really pretty rude, thereby allowing me to handle the situation more honestly and realistically. If I were more attuned to what was actually going on during the discussion then it would be less of a reality shock later on and would probably help eliminate the shock of hitting TEN, seemingly out of the blue.

These are just my thoughts, but I think I'm on to something here. I may have to reread this tomorrow as I couldn't summon the stamina to proof read.